Re-draft Scarlett investigation

Officer Makay log: Scarlett investigation.

7:23am-We entered the house, everything seems normal, apart from a broken vase, and upturned pillows. Every time an officer comes into this house it is immaculate.

7:57am- after looking around the whole house we decide to look at the security cameras of the shop opposite the house.

8:06am- we saw a group of teens- young adults come out a shabby van into the parking lot outside the shop, they walk up to the house then open the door and went in, we’ll have to look at different cameras

8:27am- we found a camera from a block of flats behind the house, from there we could see through a back window, which we saw the gang lock the grandmother into, then later Scarlett joined

8:34am- we went back to the house to find the door open, we looked in the room where the two were. They were gone, there was blood on the floor, and we are investigating now.

9:23am- the DNA was a match, the pair have the same DNA as the mother, we fear we might be too late. We are checking cameras around the whole town to find them.

9:46am- we have checked most of the cameras, we have tracked down the van, we believe this is their hide out. We are calmly going to ask them come out, if they don’t then we will be forced to use go in our own way.

9:55am- no answer and the door is locked, we will have to break down the door.

9:57am- there gone, they left the remains of the two, it looks like there are bite marks in the flesh, we will investigate farther, first we have to tell the mother the bad news. Then we will find them.

A bit of a misunderstanding - you are supposed to retain the plot of Little Red Riding Hood, but the story line should not include any actual wolf - so this doesn't make great sense.

You can respond to this marking by answering the target question as a comment below (you do not need to repose the whole thing this time!)

KPI: C2c Write scripts to improve dialogue with a clear purpose A

+ You show understanding of the character speaking in the choice of language (the language used in a police report)

T What do you want the audience to feel? How could you make them feel this more?

L Explain the difference between "there" and "they're"

What I meant for it to mean was that the gang are cannibals, that's why they are a danger, but next time I will stay within the plot.

They’re means they are. There means like someone saying: look over there.